Body, Emotion & Regulation

For many people, the hardest part of anxiety is not actually living with it through the day but being alone with it at night. Days are often relatively steadier as we are occupied; work distracts us, conversations take us out of our own minds, and responsibilities give shape to the hours. But when evening comes and things grow quiet, the mind begins to anticipate a different challenge altogether - what if I don’t sleep? For some, this question carries more weight than the ev

Many people who struggle with anxiety describe a childhood that, on the surface, appeared fairly ordinary. There may not have been a single defining event, at least not one that was named as serious at the time by adults. Yet there may have been raised voices behind doors, arguments that were quickly minimised, or moments that felt frightening but were later treated as ordinary. The atmosphere could shift without explanation, leaving a sense of something unsettled, inconsiste

Some people experience life with a heightened level of awareness. They notice subtle changes in mood, take in sensory detail quickly, and tend to reflect carefully on what they experience. This way of being often goes unnamed for a long time. You may sense that you respond differently to the world, without quite knowing how to understand it or explain it. Psychologist Elaine Aron described this temperament as high sensitivity (see her work on: https://hsperson.com/ ). Around

In therapy, people often say they want more intimacy. What they usually describe, though, is a wish for closeness. More time together. Fewer silences. Less distance. A sense of being on the same page. Closeness matters as it helps us feel safe, connected, and soothed. It is built through reliability, shared routines, emotional availability, and knowing that someone will be there when we reach out. But intimacy is something a little different. Esther Perel speaks about intimac

Many people come to therapy feeling caught in an ongoing internal pressure about what they should be doing. Shoulds often sound sensible on the surface. I should cope better. I should be more productive. I should not feel like this. Yet over time, these internal rules can become exhausting and quietly disconnecting. Rather than guiding us, they often pull us away from our own lived experience. In my work, I often notice that when someone begins to soften their grip on should,

Listening to Grief Grief has a way of reaching into every part of us. It touches the body, the mind, and our relationships. It is not just a single emotion, but a complex process that unfolds over time. When we grieve, we are experiencing the body’s and mind’s way of responding to loss, and although it can feel unbearable, grief is part of being human. When the World Feels Different Many people describe grief as disorienting. The world can feel strange, as if the ground benea

Most of us know that voice inside that says we should be doing better, that we’ve said the wrong thing, or that we’ll never quite get it right. It can sound familiar, almost like an internal narrator keeping us in line. For many, this voice has been with us for so long that it feels like the truth. Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach describes this inner critic as a voice from the past.  Often, it echoes early experiences where we learned to doubt or protect oursel

Anger often gets a bad reputation. Many of us have been taught to see it as something to control, suppress, or feel ashamed of. But from a nervous system perspective, anger is energy which gives us crucial information; it’s your body’s way of saying, “Something doesn’t feel right here.” Anger need not be a 'negative emotion' to avoid or feel shame about feeling, but a physiological state to be looked after in the moment. It’s part of the body’s built-in survival system that e

Our nervous system is like an internal communication network, constantly scanning the world for signals of safety or danger. Most of the time, it operates quietly in the background, but when it perceives a threat, it can take over, shaping how we feel, think, and relate to others. The Autonomic Nervous System The autonomic nervous system (ANS) regulates involuntary functions such as heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and even pupil size. It has two main branches: Sympathetic Ne

During this year's Transform Trauma world conference in Oxford, Daniel Siegel (neuroscientist and author) said: “It looks like love is the fabric of the universe.”  At first listen, this sounded to me beautifully poetic, almost spiritual. But Siegel is speaking from decades of research into the brain, attachment, and human relationships. So what does it really mean? And why does it matter for our wellbeing, especially when we’re navigating trauma, stress, or disconnection? Wh

When we go through overwhelming experiences, it is not only our emotions that are affected. Trauma shapes how our brain works, how we relate to others, and how we experience ourselves. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, has written widely about how our brains develop in the context of relationships and how trauma can disrupt this integration. At the heart of Siegel’s work is the idea that the mind, brain, and relationships are d

Why Thinking Alone Cannot Solve Anxiety We often subconsciously hold the belief that if we can just think enough, analyse enough, or get to the bottom of every thought, we will finally feel calm. Many of my clients share how they spend hours inside their own minds, trying to solve anxiety by replaying scenarios, checking, planning, or rehearsing. It can feel as if thinking harder should give us control. The difficulty is that anxiety is not simply a problem of faulty thinking

Sometimes I notice my internal voice getting louder during particular times in my life. When it is constant and narrating every moment of my day, I can almost guarantee it will intensify at night. This is often when the brain decides it is time to sort through decades’ worth of memories and unfinished business. Many people describe this as overthinking, rumination, or intrusive thoughts. When the Internal Voice Gets Loud Intrusive thoughts and anxiety can feel like being caug

The phrase “The only constant in life is change”  is often attributed to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus. Though it may sound simple, this truth has profound psychological implications. Change is unavoidable, yet many of us struggle to tolerate it. Whether it is a career shift, a relationship ending, or a stage of life transitioning, change can stir anxiety, grief, and resistance. Understanding why change is difficult, and how therapy can help us move through it, is central

The capacity to make decisions depends on feeling safe enough to tolerate uncertainty. Decision-Making Beyond Rationality Decision-making is often described as a rational process, but psychology and clinical practice show it is also profoundly relational and embodied. Choices are not only about weighing pros and cons, but also about how safe we feel in the presence of uncertainty itself. Attachment and a Secure Base From an attachment perspective, when early caregivers provid

A smile is often read as a sign of happiness, warmth, or connection. Yet in clinical practice and research, it is clear that smiling does not always reflect how someone truly feels. Many people use a smile as a shield, concealing distress, despair, or exhaustion. Understanding this tendency can help us recognise the complexities of emotional life — both in ourselves and others. The Psychology of Emotional Masking Psychologist Paul Ekman, whose pioneering research on facial ex

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." - James Baldwin Hate is a powerful and often destructive emotion. It can feel sharp, energising, and protective. For some, it may even feel easier to sustain anger or hatred than to face what exists beneath it. James Baldwin’s observation captures this dynamic with striking clarity. Hate can act as a shield against vulnerabi

Psychological experiences are rarely confined to the mind. They are registered throughout the body in ways that can be subtle or overwhelming. A tightening in the throat, a knot in the stomach, a racing heart or an ache across the shoulders are not random discomforts. They are often the body’s way of communicating that something significant is taking place in our emotional lives. The relationship between body and mind has been widely explored in clinical thinking. Stephen Por

The nervous system is wired for survival. When we encounter threat, our bodies instinctively move into protective responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These are not conscious choices but deeply rooted biological reactions. One of the most overlooked and misunderstood of these is the flight response , the drive to escape danger by moving, doing, or avoiding. For many trauma survivors, this response doesn’t stop when the threat is over. It becomes a way of being. What is

Stress is something most of us live with daily, often without realising how deeply it affects our bodies and minds. Whether you are recovering from trauma, living with anxiety, or simply feeling overwhelmed, reconnecting with nature can be a powerful and accessible way to find more calm. You may have heard that spending time outdoors is “good for you,” but research now helps us understand exactly how and why. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology  found that taking a s