Inner Worlds & Early Experience

Understanding Disorganised Attachment in Adults Disorganised attachment is often described as contradictory, as though it's simply a pattern of mixed signals. Wanting closeness and then pushing it away. Or, seeking reassurance and then feeling irritated by it - maybe withdrawing just as contact begins to feel real. From the outside (even to ourselves), this can look confusing, but from the inside, it can feel deeply distressing. There is often a genuine longing for intimacy,

Philip Larkin doesn’t ease you into This Be The Verse . He starts with a line that lands like a punch. Once read, it’s hard to forget, and most people know exactly what he means, even if they don’t like the way he says it. What the poem names, without apology, is the way damage moves through families. It starkly and concisely names how parents are shaped by their own histories, their own limitations, and their own unfinished pain. Larkin doesn’t bother softening this. He seem

Some people experience life with a heightened level of awareness. They notice subtle changes in mood, take in sensory detail quickly, and tend to reflect carefully on what they experience. This way of being often goes unnamed for a long time. You may sense that you respond differently to the world, without quite knowing how to understand it or explain it. Psychologist Elaine Aron described this temperament as high sensitivity (see her work on: https://hsperson.com/ ). Around

I don't think there is any feeling in my work that is more pervasive or stubborn than the belief, “I am not good enough.” Sometimes this belief sits close to the surface, showing up as self-criticism, low confidence, or a tendency to prioritise others. At other times, it is carefully hidden behind competence, independence, or being the one who copes. Anxiety and depression frequently become the doorway through which this belief begins to be explored. They can act as a form of

Many of us come to therapy because we notice the same patterns repeating in our lives. This might include recurring relationship difficulties, familiar emotional reactions, or a sense of getting stuck in similar situations despite reflection and effort. “Why does this always happen to me?” can be something we ruminate on. One reason certain patterns can feel so persistent is that many of them are relational; they developed through early and ongoing relationships and tend to b

In therapy, people often say they want more intimacy. What they usually describe, though, is a wish for closeness. More time together. Fewer silences. Less distance. A sense of being on the same page. Closeness matters as it helps us feel safe, connected, and soothed. It is built through reliability, shared routines, emotional availability, and knowing that someone will be there when we reach out. But intimacy is something a little different. Esther Perel speaks about intimac

Many people come to therapy feeling caught in an ongoing internal pressure about what they should be doing. Shoulds often sound sensible on the surface. I should cope better. I should be more productive. I should not feel like this. Yet over time, these internal rules can become exhausting and quietly disconnecting. Rather than guiding us, they often pull us away from our own lived experience. In my work, I often notice that when someone begins to soften their grip on should,

Listening to Grief Grief has a way of reaching into every part of us. It touches the body, the mind, and our relationships. It is not just a single emotion, but a complex process that unfolds over time. When we grieve, we are experiencing the body’s and mind’s way of responding to loss, and although it can feel unbearable, grief is part of being human. When the World Feels Different Many people describe grief as disorienting. The world can feel strange, as if the ground benea

Most of us know that voice inside that says we should be doing better, that we’ve said the wrong thing, or that we’ll never quite get it right. It can sound familiar, almost like an internal narrator keeping us in line. For many, this voice has been with us for so long that it feels like the truth. Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach describes this inner critic as a voice from the past.  Often, it echoes early experiences where we learned to doubt or protect oursel

Some words have a way of cutting straight through the noise, landing in the body before the mind even works them out. It was never yours to carry  is one of those phrases for me. So many of us move through life weighed down by things that don’t truly belong to us. A parent’s unspoken expectations. The responsibility of keeping the peace in a chaotic home. The shame or guilt that was passed down through generations. The pressure to be perfect, to succeed, to take care of every

Sometimes I notice my internal voice getting louder during particular times in my life. When it is constant and narrating every moment of my day, I can almost guarantee it will intensify at night. This is often when the brain decides it is time to sort through decades’ worth of memories and unfinished business. Many people describe this as overthinking, rumination, or intrusive thoughts. When the Internal Voice Gets Loud Intrusive thoughts and anxiety can feel like being caug

The nervous system is wired for survival. When we encounter threat, our bodies instinctively move into protective responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These are not conscious choices but deeply rooted biological reactions. One of the most overlooked and misunderstood of these is the flight response , the drive to escape danger by moving, doing, or avoiding. For many trauma survivors, this response doesn’t stop when the threat is over. It becomes a way of being. What is

In any close relationship, moments of misunderstanding, tension, or emotional distance are inevitable. Whether in therapy, family life, or intimate partnerships, there will be times when we feel unseen, misunderstood, or misattuned. In psychotherapy, these moments are referred to as ruptures . A rupture might be small, such as someone missing an emotional cue, or more obvious, such as a disagreement or withdrawal. While many people worry that a rupture means the relationship

In Buddhist psychology, the root of suffering is often described as grasping  - the clinging to what we want, the resistance to what we don’t, and the struggle to control what is inherently impermanent. As Bhikkhu Bodhi (2000) explains, suffering arises not simply from pain itself, but from our relationship  to pain, our mental tightening around it. This ancient insight feels as true today as ever. Whether we’re clinging to a relationship, an identity, a belief, or a feeling,

In a culture that prizes productivity, speed, and instant results, the idea that “slower is faster” can feel counterintuitive, especially when it comes to healing. But if you’ve ever found yourself rushing to feel better, to understand a problem, or to “fix” yourself through sheer willpower, you may have noticed: forcing it often backfires. In therapy and in life, true change rarely happens on a deadline. It happens in the spaces where we slow down enough to feel, to notice,

Shame and guilt are self-conscious emotions that often feel similar, but they have very different effects on our mental and emotional health. Understanding the difference can help us respond more kindly to ourselves and others. Here’s what research and therapeutic practice tell us about these powerful feelings, and how we can begin to work with them more gently. 1. Shame vs Guilt: What’s the Difference? Guilt  is tied to something we’ve done or failed to do. It sounds like, “

Many people wake up with a tight chest, racing thoughts or a sense of dread they cannot quite explain. Morning anxiety is more common than we often realise. For some, it passes quickly. For others, it can shape the whole day. If this sounds familiar, it does not mean something is wrong with you. It might simply mean your nervous system is doing what it has learned to do. The good news is, there are simple, supportive ways to meet morning anxiety with care and attention. 1. Re

Carl Jung, one of the most influential figures in modern psychology, introduced the idea of the shadow  as a central part of our inner world. The shadow refers to the aspects of ourselves we tend to hide, reject or push away. These can be traits, feelings, urges or memories that we believe are unacceptable or unwanted, either because of social norms or personal experiences. We all have a shadow. It might show up in moments of irritability, judgement, or shame. It can also app

The concept of the Window of Tolerance  is foundational to trauma recovery work and nervous system regulation. First introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel and widely applied in somatic approaches like Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing, this model helps us understand how our mind and body respond to stress, threat, and overwhelm, and how we can come back to a place of calm and connection. At its core, the Window of Tolerance describes the bandwidth in which we function optimally - wh