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Many of us come to therapy because we notice the same patterns repeating in our lives. This might include recurring relationship difficulties, familiar emotional reactions, or a sense of getting stuck in similar situations despite reflection and effort. “Why does this always happen to me?” can be something we ruminate on. One reason certain patterns can feel so persistent is that many of them are relational; they developed through early and ongoing relationships and tend to b

Feeling like a burden to others is a deeply painful and often hidden experience. For many people, this belief does not arise when they are alone, but within close relationships. It can show up just as care is offered, when support is available, or when vulnerability might deepen connection. At these moments, an internal voice may quietly say, “I should not need this,” or “They already have enough to deal with.” This response is a meaningful adaptation shaped by earlier relati

In therapy, people often say they want more intimacy. What they usually describe, though, is a wish for closeness. More time together. Fewer silences. Less distance. A sense of being on the same page. Closeness matters as it helps us feel safe, connected, and soothed. It is built through reliability, shared routines, emotional availability, and knowing that someone will be there when we reach out. But intimacy is something a little different. Esther Perel speaks about intimac

Many people come to therapy feeling caught in an ongoing internal pressure about what they should be doing. Shoulds often sound sensible on the surface. I should cope better. I should be more productive. I should not feel like this. Yet over time, these internal rules can become exhausting and quietly disconnecting. Rather than guiding us, they often pull us away from our own lived experience. In my work, I often notice that when someone begins to soften their grip on should,

For many people, Christmas is described as a time of joy, connection and celebration. Yet in therapy rooms all over the world, a very different story often appears. Instead of comfort, the season can bring loneliness, pressure, exhaustion or a sense of emotional overwhelm. If this is your experience, you are far from alone. The Pressure to Feel Happy at Christmas Mental health organisations regularly highlight that Christmas can intensify difficult feelings. The pressure to f

Listening to Grief Grief has a way of reaching into every part of us. It touches the body, the mind, and our relationships. It is not just a single emotion, but a complex process that unfolds over time. When we grieve, we are experiencing the body’s and mind’s way of responding to loss, and although it can feel unbearable, grief is part of being human. When the World Feels Different Many people describe grief as disorienting. The world can feel strange, as if the ground benea

Most of us know that voice inside that says we should be doing better, that we’ve said the wrong thing, or that we’ll never quite get it right. It can sound familiar, almost like an internal narrator keeping us in line. For many, this voice has been with us for so long that it feels like the truth. Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach describes this inner critic as a voice from the past.  Often, it echoes early experiences where we learned to doubt or protect oursel

Anger often gets a bad reputation. Many of us have been taught to see it as something to control, suppress, or feel ashamed of. But from a nervous system perspective, anger is energy which gives us crucial information; it’s your body’s way of saying, “Something doesn’t feel right here.” Anger need not be a 'negative emotion' to avoid or feel shame about feeling, but a physiological state to be looked after in the moment. It’s part of the body’s built-in survival system that e

Our nervous system is like an internal communication network, constantly scanning the world for signals of safety or danger. Most of the time, it operates quietly in the background, but when it perceives a threat, it can take over, shaping how we feel, think, and relate to others. The Autonomic Nervous System The autonomic nervous system (ANS) regulates involuntary functions such as heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and even pupil size. It has two main branches: Sympathetic Ne

During this year's Transform Trauma world conference in Oxford, Daniel Siegel (neuroscientist and author) said: “It looks like love is the fabric of the universe.”  At first listen, this sounded to me beautifully poetic, almost spiritual. But Siegel is speaking from decades of research into the brain, attachment, and human relationships. So what does it really mean? And why does it matter for our wellbeing, especially when we’re navigating trauma, stress, or disconnection? Wh

When we go through overwhelming experiences, it is not only our emotions that are affected. Trauma shapes how our brain works, how we...

Some words have a way of cutting straight through the noise, landing in the body before the mind even works them out. It was never yours...

Growth is often spoken about as if it is a straightforward path. Work hard, push yourself, and you will improve. But when we look more...

Why Thinking Alone Cannot Solve Anxiety We often subconsciously hold the belief that if we can just think enough, analyse enough, or get...

Sometimes I notice my internal voice getting louder during particular times in my life. When it is constant and narrating every moment of...

The phrase “The only constant in life is change”  is often attributed to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus. Though it may sound simple,...

Perfectionism is often misunderstood as simply the drive to do things well. In therapy, perfectionism shows up more as a survival...

The capacity to make decisions depends on feeling safe enough to tolerate uncertainty. Decision-Making Beyond Rationality Decision-making...

A smile is often read as a sign of happiness, warmth, or connection. Yet in clinical practice and research, it is clear that smiling does...

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to...