Understanding Anger: The Fight Response and What It’s Really Telling You

Anger often gets a bad reputation. Many of us have been taught to see it as something to control, suppress, or feel ashamed of. But from a nervous system perspective, anger is energy which gives us crucial information; it’s your body’s way of saying, “Something doesn’t feel right here.” Anger need not be a 'negative emotion' to avoid or feel shame about feeling, but a physiological state to be looked after in the moment. It’s part of the body’s built-in survival system that evolved to keep us safe.

The Science Behind Anger

When your brain senses threat or injustice, your sympathetic nervous system jumps into action. This is the fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol to prepare you for action.

You might notice:

• Your heart beats faster

• Your breathing becomes shallow

• Your muscles tighten

• Your focus narrows in on what feels threatening

These changes are your body’s way of mobilising energy - getting you ready to protect yourself or someone you care about. While this response was crucial for our ancestors facing physical danger, modern life tends to trigger the same system in emotional or relational situations.

The Fight Response and Anger as Protection

Anger is often a protector. It can rise up when we feel hurt, rejected, disrespected, or powerless. Beneath it, there’s often something softer - maybe fear, sadness, or vulnerability. When anger steps forward, it’s trying to keep those tender parts of us from being exposed or hurt again.

In therapy, I see anger not as a problem to get rid of but as a signal to listen to. It often points to something that needs attention: a boundary that’s been crossed, a need that’s gone unmet, or a situation that feels unfair.

How the Fight Response Feels in the Body

From a somatic perspective, anger lives in the body before it reaches the mind. You might feel heat rising through your chest, your jaw clenching, or pressure building behind your eyes. These sensations are your nervous system gearing up for action.

When that energy has nowhere to go, for example, when you suppress anger or feel unsafe expressing it, it can stay held in the body. Over time, this can show up as tension, fatigue, anxiety, or even physical pain. The body carries what it couldn’t safely release.

Working with Anger Through the Body

In somatic therapy, the aim isn’t to 'get rid' of anger but to help your body move through it safely. Some ways we might explore this include:

• Grounding and orienting: Noticing your environment and reconnecting with a sense of safety.

• Movement: Allowing the body to gently discharge energy, maybe through shaking, stretching, or mindful walking.

• Breath awareness: Slowing your breathing to invite the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” system) to come back online.

• Body tracking: Paying attention to where anger sits in your body and what it might be protecting.

• Threat response completion: Supporting the body to complete a natural defensive response that may have been interrupted at the time of a past threat. This can involve noticing impulses to move, push, or set a boundary, and finding safe, contained ways to express that energy so it can release rather than remain stored.

This kind of work helps anger shift from something reactive to something empowering. It becomes less about control and more about connection - both with yourself and others.

Anger in Relationships

In relationships, anger can surface when boundaries are crossed or needs go unmet. Whether that be in the present relationship or the nervous system finding a similarity from our pasts when we were unable to have our needs met (usually in childhood). When we ignore or suppress anger without being curious about its message, resentment can build. When we express it from a dysregulated place, it can cause rupture.

The middle ground lies in noticing the signs of activation early (the tension, the quickening breath, the heat) and pausing before reacting. This gives your nervous system a chance to settle so you can respond rather than explode or shut down.

In therapy, we can learn to work with these moments in real time: to stay connected to your body and emotions, even when you feel angry. That’s how anger becomes a tool for clarity and self-respect rather than conflict or shame.

Moving Forward

When we understand anger as part of the fight response, it starts to make more sense. It’s not about being “too emotional” or “losing control.” It’s your body doing exactly what it was designed to do - protect you.

By learning to listen to it, rather than fear it, anger can become a powerful guide. It helps us know where our limits are, what matters to us, and how to express those truths in ways that are grounded, respectful, and real.