Meeting the Inner Critic with Compassion

Most of us know that voice inside that says we should be doing better, that we’ve said the wrong thing, or that we’ll never quite get it right. It can sound familiar, almost like an internal narrator keeping us in line. For many, this voice has been with us for so long that it feels like the truth.

Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach describes this inner critic as a voice from the past. Often, it echoes early experiences where we learned to doubt or protect ourselves. From a psychological perspective, this voice is linked to our brain’s threat response system. When we sense danger - emotional or physical - our nervous system activates in an attempt to keep us safe. The critic’s harsh tone is, in many ways, a protective strategy that once helped us survive difficult situations.

The body remembers

From a somatic point of view, the inner critic is not just a thought. It has a physical presence. It might show up as a tight chest, clenched jaw, or an uneasy feeling in the stomach. The body carries the echo of earlier experiences, and the critic often speaks through those sensations. When we notice and tend to them gently, we begin to regulate the nervous system and reduce the critic’s intensity.

Research in neuroscience supports this: self-criticism activates the same areas of the brain involved in pain processing, while self-compassion stimulates the care and safety systems (particularly the release of oxytocin and activation of the parasympathetic nervous system). This means that learning to meet ourselves with kindness isn’t just emotional work but physiological healing too.

A relational process

In therapy, we explore where the inner critic comes from, how it speaks, and what it is trying to protect. Often, the voice developed to help us avoid shame or rejection. By meeting it with curiosity, we begin to see that it isn’t who we are, but a part of us that learned to keep us safe.

I believe the therapeutic relationship can play a vital role here. When that critical part is met with warmth rather than judgment, it no longer needs to defend so harshly, but has the opportunity to soften and be heard. The nervous system then begins to experience safety in connection with a new relational template that helps the critic gradually loosen its grip.

Alongside the inner critic: finding a new voice

Over time, as we meet the inner critic with awareness and compassion, a quieter voice begins to emerge, one that is steadier and perhaps kinder. It doesn’t mean the critic disappears, but we learn not to obey it so automatically. We begin to trust our own inner wisdom and relate to ourselves in a more caring, embodied way.

We do not need to force the critical voice to be silent, but we can we can transform the relationship we have with it. When the critic is no longer in charge, there is space for softness, creativity, and a sense of belonging to return.