The Tension of Holding On: Grasping, Suffering, and the Body’s Wisdom

In Buddhist psychology, the root of suffering is often described as grasping - the clinging to what we want, the resistance to what we don’t, and the struggle to control what is inherently impermanent. As Bhikkhu Bodhi (2000) explains, suffering arises not simply from pain itself, but from our relationship to pain, our mental tightening around it.

This ancient insight feels as true today as ever. Whether we’re clinging to a relationship, an identity, a belief, or a feeling, the harder we grip, the more tension we create, not just in the mind, but in the body.

The Somatic Experience of Clinging

In somatic therapy, this Buddhist idea of grasping shows up in a very physical way.

It might appear as a jaw that never relaxes, a chest that won’t fully exhale, shoulders held high in quiet vigilance. A stomach in knots before a difficult conversation. The nervous system, shaped by past experiences of fear or unpredictability, has learned that staying tight means staying safe.

Dr. Peter Levine (2010), founder of Somatic Experiencing, describes trauma as “a thwarted attempt to protect oneself.” The body tenses as a form of survival. But over time, that gripping can become chronic, even after the threat has passed. We find ourselves stuck in bracing patterns that no longer serve us, patterns that once protected, but now constrict.

The somatic path to healing doesn’t ask us to force change. Instead, it invites us to gently notice where we’re holding on and to support the body in releasing what it no longer needs to carry.

Talk Therapy: Unpacking the Stories We Hold

Grasping doesn’t only happen in muscle and fascia, it also happens in narrative.

In talk therapy, we might explore the beliefs and identities we cling to:“I need to be perfect to be loved.”“If I let go, everything will fall apart.”“I should be over this by now.”

These thoughts often reflect deeper emotional truths, about safety, worth, and belonging. Drawing from psychodynamic approaches, we can begin to uncover the unconscious patterns driving our attachment to certain roles or stories. Why is it so hard to let go? What feels at stake?

By bringing curiosity to these inner dynamics, talk therapy creates space between who we are and what we’ve been clinging to. In that space, something new becomes possible.

Letting Go, Gently

In both Buddhist and therapeutic traditions, letting go is not about passivity or detachment. It’s about liberation, creating space where tension has taken root.

But letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means loosening the grip just enough to allow movement, breath, possibility.

We might begin with a simple practice:Notice where you feel tension in your body.Notice the impulse to push through, to figure it out, to control.Pause. Breathe. Ask: What am I holding onto right now?And then: Do I need to keep holding it, in just this way?

Dr. Dan Siegel’s (2010) work on integration reminds us that healing comes from connection, not just with others, but within ourselves. By connecting the cognitive and the somatic, the mind and the body, we cultivate wholeness. We soften. And in that softening, suffering begins to shift.

Final Thoughts

Suffering is part of life. But the way we relate to it, the tightness, the stories, the grasping, can change.

Therapy, in both its talking and embodied forms, can offer a place to explore what we’re holding and to practice letting go, not all at once, but gradually, with care.

In the words of Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield:“Let go. Let be. See through the false self. The world is won by those who let it go.”

If you’d like support exploring these patterns in your own life, I offer trauma-informed therapy in-person in West Sussex and online across the UK. You’re welcome to get in touch.