Welcoming tears

There is scientific evidence that supports what many therapists have long witnessed in the therapy room: crying helps us feel better. Dr. William H. Frey, a neuroscientist who dedicated much of his research to understanding tears, found that emotional crying is chemically distinct from other types of tears. It contains stress hormones and toxins, which the body actively works to release through the act of crying.

As Dr. Frey writes: “Crying is not only a human response to sorrow and frustration but also a healthy one.”

And the benefits don’t stop there. Research has shown that crying can:

• Support emotional regulation. Crying helps us move through feelings that are too big to hold in. It gives form and release to emotion.

• Reduce stress. Emotional tears can flush out cortisol and other stress chemicals, helping the body return to balance.

• Relieve pain. Crying can stimulate the release of endorphins and oxytocin which are our natural soothing chemicals.

• Lift mood. Many people report feeling lighter or clearer after a good cry. This may reflect nervous system shifts toward calm and connection.

• Foster connection. Tears can act as social cues that invite empathy and presence from others, deepening emotional bonds.

• Calm the nervous system. From a somatic perspective, crying may signal that the body feels safe enough to release long-held emotion. It can be an embodied act of integration and healing.

  
  

“I Didn’t Want to Cry” — Why Do We Resist It?

Despite all the benefits, it is common to feel embarrassed or ashamed about crying. Many of us have learned that being emotional is messy or inconvenient, or that we must remain composed at all costs. Especially in adult life, tears are often framed as something to be avoided - a failure of control.

But in therapy, crying often represents a turning point. It signals a shift away from intellectualising and into deeper emotional awareness. It can be a sign that something frozen is thawing, that something deeply held is starting to move. When this happens, it is not a breakdown. It is a breakthrough.

When I say “good” in response to a client sharing that they cried, what I mean is this: something inside you trusted the space enough to let go. That matters.

Making Room for Tears

If you find yourself crying more easily than usual, or struggling with the urge to cry, you’re not alone. Your body may be trying to help you release what it no longer needs to carry.

Whether in therapy or in private, tears are a signal of aliveness. They reflect our capacity to feel, to care, to connect. They are an intelligent, healing part of what it means to be human.

You don’t need to push them away. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is let them fall.

References

• Frey, W. H. (1985). Crying: The Mystery of Tears

• Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2013). Why Only Humans Weep

• Gračanin, A., Bylsma, L. M., & Vingerhoets, A. J. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior?